Validation

I have had
many spiritual experiences,
but none of them
have been validated
by someone
who seems to know,
like a Zen Master
or somebody like that,
and since
I can't validate
my own experience,
because I don't know
what enlightenment
actually is,
I'm stuck
with some kind of
wishy-washy understanding
of where I stand,
so, instead of being enlightened,
what I have been
is diagnosed,
which is a kind of
negative validation,
meaning I'm sort of
crazy,
so, I don't know
if I'm crazy or enlightened
and who cares
anyway.